I Don't Remember Loving You
by Time Lady
Summary: Yamato's job begins to wear on his marriage with Sora. After a huge argument, the results are less than pleasant. Sorato song fic based on the song "I Don't Remember Loving You" by John Conlee.


I Don't Remember Loving You I Don't Remember Loving You 

By Time Lady 

Based on the song "I Don't Remember Loving You" by John Conlee 

------------------- 

". . . And as we watch, the Mars explorers on their third mission are collecting samples," said the newscaster. Behind the newscaster a monitor showed several astronauts manipulating delicate equipment. One of the astronauts was half the size of the rest. Only a few people knew that astronaut wasn't human. 

"The space agency hopes to use the samples to determine if Earth plants can be adapted to growing in Martian soil. It is expected that the astronauts will spend a full two weeks gathering samples before making the month long voyage back to Earth." 

Sora Ishida picked up the remote and turned off the television. "Awww Mom!" complained Yuki. 

"Yeah!" added her little brother Kenji. "Gabumon said he'd wave just to me!" 

"Don't you two have homework?" returned Sora sourly. Her son and daughter nodded. "Then get to it!" 

The two children scampered to their shared bedroom. "That was a little harsh," said Biyomon. "They were just hoping to see their father." 

"Exactly. Kenji's birthday will be in two weeks. Will his father be there? No. Yuki has a dance recital in a month. Will Yamato be here? No. Our fifteenth wedding anniversary is in two months. Will my husband be here? Not likely, since he'll still be in rehabilitation after all the time in space." Sora slammed the remote down onto the end table. "Kenji's had to do the last five father/son activities at school with his uncle Takeru." 

"But Sora, wasn't your father away most of the time?" 

"He may have been away, but I could always reach him by phone. If there were an emergency, he would fly in by the next day. I could always reach my father. Kenji and Yuki can't even contact their father to say hello!" Sora stood and began pacing the living room. "I don't see any of the other Mars probe astronauts with spouses and children waiting for them." 

"Why don't you just talk to him about it? I'm sure he'll understand." 

"Oh, we're going to talk all right. . . ." 

--- 

Six months later. . . 

"Takeru, are you sure this is him?" Sora asked her brother-in-law over the video phone. 

"I've been to see him," said Takeru. "The doctors say he was brought in about a week after you walked out, no identification and totally unrecognizable." 

"So why haven't we heard from him?" 

"Sora, are you sitting down?" 

"Why haven't we heard from him Takeru?" demanded Sora. 

The man on the other end sighed. "We don't know what happened, but somehow Yamato has lost his memory. He doesn't know his real name." Takeru's eyes left the screen. "He didn't even recognize me. He's in the Nerima Hospital mental ward. Gabumon is with him." 

Sora's hand flew to her mouth. How could she have known that her actions would drive Yamato to the breaking point? "I'm going there now." 

"Don't bring the kids," said Takeru. "It might not be healthy for them if he doesn't recognize them." 

"I'll ask Mother to pick them up from school." 

"All right. I think we should go in to him together. I'll meet you there in one hour." Takeru's image disappeared from the screen. Sora broke down in tears. 

--- 

Sora resisted the urge to shudder as she walked through the white halls of the hospital. The orderly leading them was unknown to her. She suddenly found herself wishing Jyou had become a human doctor instead of a Digimon doctor. He opened a pair of doors into what appeared to be a recreation room. Two men were sitting in pajamas and robes playing checkers. Another group of men was watching television. 

Then she saw him. His golden hair hadn't been this long since his high school band days. He wore a blue robe over white pajamas. Next to him sat a guitar. Gabumon stood next to him. 

"And then you realized that you needed to fight the darkness within before you could do anything else. . .," said Gabumon. "When you realized it, the cave disappeared." 

"Caves don't just disappear. Maybe you're the one who needs to be here." 

"Hey there!" said Takeru. Yamato looked at him and smiled. Takeru hoped it was a good sign. 

"Hi. Didn't you visit me this morning?" 

"Yeah." 

"Could you take this guy with you when you go this time?" he asked, pointing to Gabumon. "He keeps telling me the weirdest things. Better yet, take me with you and leave him here." 

Gabumon tried to hide a hurt look. "Well Yamato, I've brought someone else to see you," said Takeru. 

"You both keep calling me Yamato. Are you sure that's my name?" 

"Positive. I'm your brother. I should know." 

"So who did you bring? Not another doctor I hope." 

"No." Takeru pulled out a chair for Sora. "This is Sora. She's someone whom you love very much." 

"Hello Yamato," said Sora, forcing herself to smile. "It's been a long time." Yamato studied her face intently. Sora felt her heart flutter. Every day and night she regretted the argument she and Yamato had when he returned from his last Mars trip. "I've felt so guilty about the argument we had. You disappeared. We searched everywhere for you." 

"Sora. . .," said Yamato thoughtfully. 

"Yes," said Sora, hoping he recognized her. 

"I don't remember loving you," said Yamato. 

--- 

Sora tried not to break down in front of Yamato. That one statement cut to the quick. She had excused herself to use the restroom, then spent fifteen minutes crying. How could he not remember? How could he forget Yuki and Kenji? How could he forget all the time spent in the Digital World? "It's my fault," she told herself. "I never should have fought with him like that." Sora washed her face and reapplied her makeup. 

She walked out of the bathroom and forced herself to act as if nothing happened. Takeru was showing Yamato some old photographs. Perhaps she should have brought some pictures of them together with the children. "You always used to pick on me about my hats," said Takeru. 

"No. Really?" 

"Yeah. You finally ruined my green hat. Grandma gave me the white hats. You never let me hear the end of it." 

Sora approached them, a smile painted on her face. "You okay?" mouthed Takeru silently. She nodded. 

"Oh, hi. You're back," said Yamato. "Takeru's been telling me all sorts of things." He looked up at Sora's eyes. Her makeup was on a bit heavy to hide the redness. 

"Did. . . did he tell you what happened before you disappeared?" 

"No. But he," Yamato gestured to Gabumon, "insists I was an astronaut." 

"You were." Sora sat down facing Yamato. "You had been away three months. Please understand that my father had been away from home most of my childhood. I could see in our children's eyes the same things that I felt as a child. By the time you returned, I had reached my breaking point. You had spent our son's birthday and our anniversary in outer space or in decontamination and rehabilitation on Earth. . ." Sora paused. Yamato touched her hand comfortingly. "We had a huge argument. . . about you finding some other job and staying on Earth . . you refused. Then I said you had a choice between a wife and children or going into outer space. You got drunk. Very drunk. I packed up the children and their Digimon and went to my mother's home. . ." Sora's voice trailed off. 

Gabumon picked up the story. "You practically drank yourself insane," said the Digimon. "Then you ran down the highway screaming Sora's name. Then we didn't see you again. No one could find you." 

Yamato sat back in his chair and regarded Gabumon. "Get drunk? Run down the highway screaming someone's name?" He shook his head. "That's not the sort of thing I would do." He looked at Sora and shook his head. "I don't remember loving you." 

Sora bit her lip. "What about our children? Don't you even remember them?" 

"You mentioned them before. Did you say there was one or two?" 

"Two," said Takeru, giving Sora a chance to regain her composure. "Yuki, your daughter, is the elder. Then there's your son Kenji." 

"You know, you guys should talk to my doctor," said Yamato. "He stops by each day at two." 

"Oh, we'll talk to him before we leave," returned Takeru. "So, I see they gave you a guitar." 

"Yeah. The doctor says it might be therapeutic. I seem to have a natural talent for music." He motioned Takeru closer and whispered "Some of the guys in here think they're some old, famous rock groups. Most of the people in this place are pretty strange." 

"I can imagine," returned Takeru in a low voice. 

Yamato sat back in his seat and looked at Sora again. Sora made herself smile, though she felt like doing anything but. "You know," said Yamato, "I get a funny feeling when I look into your eyes. And something in your smile gives my stomach butterflies." Then he shook his head as if to clear it. "You must look like someone I once knew. But I don't remember loving you." 

Sora's fingernails dug into her palms. She struggled as she tried to decide what to say next. Gabumon put his paw on her knee comfortingly. "Yamato. . ." 

"Snack time," announced an orderly as he pushed a cart into the room. 

"Snack time? Hey, great," said Yamato. "I was just getting the munchies." He lowered his voice. "The snacks here are pretty good, but the meals stink. Next time you come, could you bring me some real food?" 

"Uh. . . sure. . .," said Takeru. 

"Great!" Yamato smiled at them. He looked at Sora. "I can believe this guy saying he's my brother. He looks enough like me that we could at least pass for brothers. But you. . ." Yamato shook his head. "You know, if you pass me my crayons, I'll be glad to take your name. In case I come across the guy you knew. But I still don't remember loving you." 

Before Sora could say another word, a tall man in a white coat entered the room. The orderly pointed out Sora, Takeru, and Gabumon. The man approached them. "Hey Doc," said Yamato. "Would you believe these people say they know me?" 

"So I've heard. Congratulations," returned the doctor. "Now we'll have a real name to go with the face." The doctor turned to the others. "I am Doctor Hiroki. Why don't we go to my office to talk in private? I'm sure you have questions, plus there are things to be sorted out." 

"Yes," said Sora, fighting another round of tears. 

"Bye," said Yamato as they stood. 

"We'll stop by before we leave," said Takeru. 

"Okay. See you later." Yamato picked up his guitar and began strumming it. 

As they walked out, a nurse stopped Dr. Hiroki with some questions. Sora could hear Yamato strumming the guitar and singing: 

_I don't remember loving you_   
_And I don't recall the things_   
_You say you put me through_   
_You tell me that you've had_   
_A guilty conscience for so long_   
_You say that you walked out on me_   
_You say you did me wrong_   
_Well, I just don't see how that could be true_   
_'Cause I don't remember loving you___

_I don't remember loving you_   
_You might talk to my doctor_   
_He drops by each day at two_   
_I get a funny feeling_   
_When I look into your eyes_   
_There's something in your smile_   
_That gives my stomach butterflies_   
_You must look like someone I once knew_   
_But I don't remember loving you___

_I don't remember loving you_   
_I heard you mention children_   
_Did you say there's one or two?_   
_You say I quit my job_   
_And then I drank myself insane_   
_You say that I ran down the highway_   
_Screaming out your name_   
_Well, that's not the sort of thing that I would do_   
_No, I don't remember loving you___

_I don't remember loving you_   
_I absolutely positively_   
_Know that can't be true_   
_But everyone I know here in this place_   
_Is really strange_   
_If you'll hand me my crayons_   
_I'll be glad to take your name_   
_In case I run across that guy you knew_   
_But I don't remember loving you___

_I don't remember loving you_   
_I heard you mention children_   
_Did you say there's one or two?_   
_You say I quit my job_   
_And then I drank myself insane_   
_You say that I ran down the highway_   
_Screaming out your name_   
_Well, that's not the sort of thing that I would do_   
_No, I don't remember loving you_   
As they walked down the hall to Dr. Hiroki's office, Sora cried. 

-The End- 

Author's notes: I never thought I'd do another song fic after the disaster that was "Digicabana." But then, I was working on my lesson plans and listening to an old John Conlee song (he was a country singer in the 1980's – beautiful voice). Suddenly, as I was listening to "I Don't Remember Loving You" for about the hundredth time since I finally got a CD of his greatest hits, it hit me that this would be a perfect song fic. Then I started thinking about Sora and Yamato. If Yamato was an astronaut, he would be away for long periods of time, much as Sora's father was. Seeing her own children experiencing what she did would eventually wear on Sora. I pictured a big argument. Then this song just fit in. 

Why didn't I make the story longer? I didn't think it warranted it. The essence of this story was the song and the moment it captured. This is just a snapshot of the events pertaining to the song. I could have written in the whole argument, the search for Yamato, his recovery, etc. However, as I have at least three other stories mushrooming into something far larger than I had planned, I felt it necessary to keep a tight rein on it. The story wanted to be written tonight, it had to be done well before bedtime. I wasn't going to let it drag me further. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to tighten the leash on my imagination. 

Upcoming (since the forums are still down): 

Digiquest for Glory Chapter 10 (Chapter 9 is up)   
The Doctor and the Debutante Chapter 4 (Chapter 3 is up)   
Once Upon A Time (original fairy tale – will _not_ be posted until it's completed)   
It Happened One Summer (Chapter 1) 

And about a dozen other things. . . these are what I'm working on immediately.   



End file.
